Codependency Test

  1. Attach your sense of self, success in life, or daily mood to how your loved one is acting that day.
  2. Get so involved in trying to fix an addict you forget who you are.
  3. Believe love conquers all – they will change if you love them enough or they love you enough.
  4. Have yet another conversation or argument hoping you will change them.
  5. Feel guilty and blame yourself for causing their addiction and bad choices.
  6. Accept responsibility when they blame you for their bad choices and behavior or blame others for their behavior by saying things such as, “My child would never do that!”, or “The other children made him do it.”
  7. Tolerate or excuse verbal, financial, physical or emotional abuse and / or threats upon yourself or dependents such as siblings or elderly grandparents.
  8. Feel ashamed and worry about what others might say or think if they find out about your struggles.
  9. Become isolated from family and your normal social circles. Stop attending social events and accepting invitations.
  10. Threaten to leave to end the madness – but never do.
  11. Obey and submit to their demands, commands, tantrums, and threats.
  12. Walk on eggshells and live in fear of upsetting your loved one, for of triggering them.
  13. Feel you are being held hostage in your own home to their tantrums, threats, and fear of exposure.
  14. Feel pressured or guilted into paying their debts, signing or co-signing their loans or advancing them funds. 
Allowing yourself to be manipulated or sense they are “crazy making” or “gas lighting” you.
  15. After repeated attempts to set firm boundaries, you ultimately succumb to your loved ones pressure and manipulations, hoping that this time things will change and be different.
  16. Exaggerate and embellish small signs of change as if they are the threshold of recovery.
  17. If they want something, give it to them hoping you can buy their love and recovery.
  18. Rescue and extricating your loved one from their troubles and crises.
  19. get them legal advice, a lawyer, set bail and so on, if they get into legal difficulties.
  20. If they lose, damage or destroy something from clothing to a car, repair or replace it for them
  21. If they get fired from a job, help them find another or cover the loss of income until they do.
  22. Give them money for legitimate expenses such as bus fare, phone bill, entertainment, rent and food.
  23. Overlook, defend, or rescue them from the consequences of their negative behavior.
  24. Accept their excuses, with an out of sight out of mind attitude.
  25. Disregard your moral principles in defense of your addict.
  26. Let your other relationships suffer and even fall apart while you try to change the addict.
  27. Allow an addict to triangulate/create conflict between family, friends, and therapist to avoid changing him or herself. For example, “You understand my problems, but Dad is so tough…”
  28. Wait until you or your loved one hits rock bottom before seeking and following professional expertise.
  29. When an addict appears beaten by the consequences of their addiction, as if they might be ready to change, do not ask for advice and rescue them again. Repeat numbers 1-29
  30. Go to a support group and hear stories and advice from others who struggle like you do and realize you are not alone, but notwithstanding, continue to live within the unhealthy status quo by complaining about an addict and repeat steps 1–30.
  31. Educate and change your life by getting professional, educated guidance, attending support groups and individual therapy if needed. Celebrate your newfound freedom and health.

Our experience at JACS is that if you have answered more than three you would benefit from a further assessment and help.

To talk to a counsellor click here

For more help click here